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| It was late summer when I took my first ten-day
course at Dhamma Bahnu in Kyoto, Japan. Pain in the legs, sleeplessness and daydreaming made my challenge a very difficult one. Regretting to have taken the course from the start, I struggled a lot. But somehow I managed and endured. On the fifth day a strange thing happened. It was nearly toward the end of the evening group meditation when I was about to complete the second round of Vipassana on that hour. Observing gross and subtle sensations of the body inch by inch, I was coming back near the top of the head where I had first started. Only a few inches more to get there. Closing chanting had already begun. One last inch more to go. And finally I made it ! The moment I completed the round, my body turned transparent and indigo blue. It instantly became a starry universe. Millions of stars started sparkling inside of me. It was a breathtaking view. Everything was so quiet and peaceful even for just a second. Then all of a sudden those stars started to move in a whirl with an incredible speed as if they were being blendered. Next moment I felt an electric current running through my body. My arms were burning. My whole body was trembling. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't comprehend what was going on. Then the group-sitting came to an end. Excited and overwhelmed by the unexpected sensations, I still could not move and I kept sitting during the break and the following discourse. Later in the end of the day interview I told Assistant Teacher about my experince. He showed little interest in my story. Instead, he said "Those things will change. Your job here is to remain equanimous and not to react." I repeated it to myself. "Those things will change. My job here is to remain equanimous and not to react." Yes, everything is bound to change. I went out into the garden. There were already plenty of dewdrops on the grass. A skyful of stars were twinkling and sparkling. The Milky Way was clear in sight. Cassiopeia, Pleiades, Cygnus and other constellations were traced. I realized that my body was void and gaseous just like this spacious sky where countless stars were sparkling and moving so rapidly. My body felt solid and tangible. But the fact was that it was gaseous and empty. It might be mine and it might not. Who was this I? Suddenly it occurred to me that I had always been so selfish and egoistic up until this moment. I apologized God, the creator of the universe, for having been so self-centered in all respects. At the same time I thanked Him or Her for letting me know all this truth. Tears rolled down my cheek. I cried out loud, not for sorrow but for inexplicable joy. At least at that moment I was humble enoughto thank everyone and everything. Lying down on the log bench, I looked up at the sky again. The whole universe was a vivid organic entity now. I could even sense it was revolving very slowly. The starry sky way up there and the starry universe inside of me I glanced at a short while ago were beautifully resonating. I felt so assured and secured, happy and content. There were still those residual trembling sensations in my body that did come and go like the tide. Since then my meditation became calmer and easier. One big difficulty was that I tended to crave for another extraordinary experience. Well, it did not happen again. No more stars, no more Vipassana shocks. Instead, much finer ripple-like vibrations came about. The days passed and the course was about to end. Final discourse was given. The story of swimology was impressive. "Now you have sown a precious seed of Vipassana, water it everyday, make a fence around it, or a cattle will come and eat it away." The Water is everyday morning and evening meditation. And the fence is@sila, samadhi and panna. Then the prayer of Metta was given, the last lines of which shattered me. I really did seek pardon and pardoned all. |
| After the first course I took four other courses and
served twice now. My second course was more or less quiet and I could see the whole world vibrating. But, the third one was extremely difficult. Deep seated impurities came up and they over- powered me. I thought I would have died with all those storms and turmoils. But somehow I managed and endured. Each time the result of meditation was different, but always fruitful. Some of the changes I found are; (1)decreased anger and anxiety, (2)increased calmness of the mind, (3)more objective observations, (4)efficient solution of the problems and (5)positive environmental transitions. One day I went to a local meeting held at a sushi bar. There were six people including me. As the discussion got heated up, one member insulted another over a small matter. The insulted fought back right away. Then a furious quarrel broke out. Some tried to stop it only to fail. On the contrary, they all got involved in the dispute, excepting me who was a lot younger than the rest of the group. The scene became literally a touch-and-go. Since it was not long after my third meditation course, I had been doing anapana all the while with my eyes open and tried to observe the situation as objectively as possible. Then I honestly and calmly expressed my opinion. Fortunately they turned ear to me and soon reconciled. They thanked me for all this, but I myself was astonished by the instant effect brought about by meditation. Three years ago I had an opportunity to go to San Francisco to take part in a seminar of Strain-Counterstrain, an osteopathic technique. Since my health was not quite good then, I was worried about the long flight and the jetlag and all. I took a pair of eyemasks and earplugs with me so that I could meditate well on the airplane and elswhere. I sat up on the plane seat and meditated as often as possible. I sat on the floor in my hotel room and meditated as many hours as possible. The trip went uexpectedly smooth and wonderful. Besides, I met a Vipassana meditator in that seminar who had learned it in India from S.N. Goenka about twenty years ago. He helped me a lot during my stay in San Francisco. Dhamma works! I do not sit everyday now as I am lazy. I still eat meat and drink alcohol, though much less now. So I know my watering is not enough and my fence is not strong. Nevertheless, it is more than obvious that Vipassana has changed my life. It should really be the way to be. Now I remember the striking remarks S.N. Goenka made in his discourse at Satipatthana Sutta course which went something like this: I believe Vipassana is the best way of life, but even to that I do not have attatchment. |
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Ota, Yohtaro (1999) |
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